Posts by Perfection Seeker

22

How many here still pretend?

by TweetieBird in

jw
friends

.

i know this subject has been covered numerous times before, but the board constantly gets new people.. how many here still attend meetings, go in service, etc.

even though you don't believe it's the truth?

Wow- this was written for me! I have been pretending my whole life! I haven't been to any meetings since December- except the memorial, and STILL get cargroups stopping every Saturday morning! My family is so embedded- I don't think if I tatooed CULT on my forehead they would get the hint! Sure, they are worried about me- but never really think I am apostate or doubting, they just think I am lazy & don't want to get up on Sunday mornings. If only they knew I've been going to church since December- happily- never missed one session, and its an hour earlier than the Kingdom Hall meeting! :-) Wouldn't it be cool to have TWO people from the same congregation leave together- have quite the show? My sister & I always joked about starting to yell at the hall- THIS IS A CROCK OF SH**- or doing SOMETHING to russle them up. But, knowing the group, they'd just say "that poor sister" or see, the bible is right- whatever! My only regret is that I didn't make a CLEAN break 12 years ago when I made a mental break- the wasted years- the sorrows, the pain- I could be totally healed by now!!

16

WHY D.A YOURSELF??

by In_between_days in

jw
friends

hi guys,.

this is a question for those that have dissasociated yourselves, and it might seem really stupid.. a while back i had a conversation with my parents in which i claimed that if i had ever been baptised i would have certainly dissasociated myself.

i asked whether or not they would still have contact with me.. they said yes, but would avoid having me at family gatherings.. i was not happy with this, but at least it was'nt as bad as shunning.. despite my standing now, my parents are now starting to get over it, and have been great, i cannot imagine my parents shunning me, despite anything i am still their daughter.

Perfection Seeker

HI! I was wondering if anyone knows the process with disassociating yourself? It is basically just like being disfellowshipped as far as the congregation is concerned? I mean, still shunned, etc. I wonder for people who might think of rejoining (NOT ME) if it is easier, harder or same to get back in good graces after being disassociated, disfellowshipped? Also, for those EX witnesses- when does this TERMINOLOGY wear off? Leaving "THE TRUTH" "WORLDY" blah blah blah?!?!?!?

29

How do YOU deal with it??

by bad_associashun in

hello all- recently joined, had some probs getting logged in, but here at last.... anyway, the question is: for those that can relate, when your heart feels heavy from the hurt, pain, regret, sorrow, bitterness, anger... and the lost years, stolen time, forsaken friends, broken relationships, wasted energies, abandonment, and lost love weighs on you --> caused by wt org.

stress.... how do you get past it?

what heals you, brings you relief, rescues you from total worthless feelings of inadequacy, comforts your wounds, keeps you from jumping on the train tracks?.

Perfection Seeker

People have sued before! They say it is defamation of character to announce disfellowshipping in front of everyone, and that so called ANNONYMOUS talk they give the night of the dissing that does everything but say the persons name. "Sexual immorality is wrong. A person who does this should be immediately disfellowshipped." By the way, sister smith has been disfellowshipped! Yeah, right! Lets throw a party together! I'm ready to celebrate my BIRTH into REALITY! :-)

27

Is there life AFTER leaving?!!??!

by Perfection Seeker in

my name is melissa.

i am 33 years old.

my parents started studying when i was 5. i am trying to leave the orgainization, but keep getting pulled back in.

Perfection Seeker

Sentinal- thank you for that heart felt letter. It really does help each time I read or hear of someone elses story. I have torn about the religious aspects of the Witnesses, read the crisis of conscience- what an eye opener! I am really ok leaving the doctrines behind, but leaving the whole family is where I am at right now. BUT, my husband & I NEED to work on OUR lives, not mold for everyone else. I think it will be hard, but doable. I do feel sorry for my family- they are so wrapped up- they have no idea! I told my mom she is brainwashed- she said "Then I must need brainwashed" They just don't see it. But, the part I am sad about- I think I can live without my family, sad, but I can do it- but the guilt they lay on you about EACH ONE OF THEM living without me, and the mental anguish they put on you- like its all about them! Never been very selfish- but now I have to be. The ONLY thing that bothers me- is people writing in here after 10, 20 years of leaving, and they are STILL messed up. I wish I could hypnotize myself or bump my head & forget it all! People who have NOT been a witness just can't understand. I just think it is so sad. Thanks for your story. God bless!

29

How do YOU deal with it??

by bad_associashun in

hello all- recently joined, had some probs getting logged in, but here at last.... anyway, the question is: for those that can relate, when your heart feels heavy from the hurt, pain, regret, sorrow, bitterness, anger... and the lost years, stolen time, forsaken friends, broken relationships, wasted energies, abandonment, and lost love weighs on you --> caused by wt org.

stress.... how do you get past it?

what heals you, brings you relief, rescues you from total worthless feelings of inadequacy, comforts your wounds, keeps you from jumping on the train tracks?.

Perfection Seeker

HI! I have been disfellowshipped before, got reinstated, just so I could "have" my family. Now, with another disfellowshipping probably on the way- makes me look back over the years. When I got reinstated- everyone shook my hand- but were AFRAID because the elders said not to "throw a party" so to speak. Heck, if someone RETURNS, why NOT throw a party? Doesn't the scriptures say an angel rejoices over the lost sheep returning. (Not exact words- been awhile) I did all the work- going to meetings for a year, to get reinstated, and yes, it was for show only, so maybe they knew that, but according to the "elders" I was good enough to get reinstated- which surely means Jehovah wanted me, too- since EVERYTHING is divine direction in the organization, yet when you "come back" the way they treat you- like a stranger- distance themselves till you FURTHER prove yourself- what a crock! How about wiping the slate clean? When I got babtized in 92- right before (Gee, thanks) they said it would be INAPPROPRIATE to throw a party or give gifts to newly babtized people. Give me a break. No birthdays, no Christmas- you'd think that is one day you would CELEBRATE!! Give me a break. Man, only been on this website a few days- and have already made greater strides reading & posting than I have for the past 7 years! "VENTING" to others who understands is definetly where it is at!

27

Is there life AFTER leaving?!!??!

by Perfection Seeker in

my name is melissa.

i am 33 years old.

my parents started studying when i was 5. i am trying to leave the orgainization, but keep getting pulled back in.

Perfection Seeker

Not to be sarcastic (HEE HEE) but is there Ex Lutheran or Ex Babtist websites? Does ANY other organization mess people up this badly? So badly that you'd rather commit suicide than live & deal with it? The mental & emotional CONSTANT guilt? When I would go to the hall, I would feel UNWORTHY, and so much to work on. When I go to church now- I see I am the best that I can be- and that Is ALL I can do. Not the same standard for everyone- each person is capable of only so much. I think it is sad when you are born into the religion or raised in it. Then, if you try to please your parents & get babtized, there is NO way out- unless getting disfellowshipped, and losing your ENTIRE family. Most families are happy if their children serve god- they don't care which house or building it is in. The whole thing is so sad.

18

Deprogramming

by Perfection Seeker in

i am new on here- already posted one thing about life after leaving- got great responses.

as you can see by my name "perfection seeker" i was a witness.

i am now leaving, and not a perfection seeker :-) does anyone have information on exit counseling or deprogramming?

Perfection Seeker

So sorry to hear about you being alienated from your son. (How old is he?) I know first hand this happens- I've seen it for the past 20 some years! What a life ahead of a child- I wouldn't go through it again for all the money in the world! The ONLY thing I can say in your husband defense- keep in mind I am an EX, and bitter, etc- but the ONE thing that helps comfort me, personally, is that they THINK they are doing what is right. They are doing what they THINK god wants. Sure, so does Osama & his clan- but if you look at the witnesses & feel sorry for them, and at least that they are TRYING to please god, helps a little, although not enough not to be bitter. My mother is so wrapped up- that if the society said to strap a bomb on your back- she'd be one of the first to do it at ALL costs. Sad. Very sad. Hopefully your son will see his way clear. Keep the doors open. Good luck!!

27

Is there life AFTER leaving?!!??!

by Perfection Seeker in

my name is melissa.

i am 33 years old.

my parents started studying when i was 5. i am trying to leave the orgainization, but keep getting pulled back in.

Perfection Seeker

I have so many tears flowing now from the last few posts- I can't thank you enough! Isn't it sad that it takes years of RECOVERY to break free? All because of a choice to get babtized. What other religion would SHUN you for worshipping god in another building? I truly never even knew god at the Kingdom Hall- it was all about being perfect. (My perfection seeker is just a joke on the witnesses- screw perfection!) Being perfect, saying & doing the right thing, NOT GETTING CAUGHT FOR THE BAD, worshipping an ORGANIZATION, not a god, etc. It is so sad that it takes years of recovery. I think I am over the guilt of leaving the organization, I can handle that- leaving behind my ENTIRE family is the hard part. (Just posted on the deprogramming post about this) I can't believe I was so suicidal, yet stayed for my family- part of me died in 95- and I knew I had to let myself live, or I would die all the way. I think they would have rathered that. BUT, I do remember being in enough to worry about people like me, so I can't blame them too much. Sad. The whole thing is so sad.

18

Deprogramming

by Perfection Seeker in

i am new on here- already posted one thing about life after leaving- got great responses.

as you can see by my name "perfection seeker" i was a witness.

i am now leaving, and not a perfection seeker :-) does anyone have information on exit counseling or deprogramming?

Perfection Seeker

HI! Thank you all so much for writing! I guess what bothers me most- is hearing people who say they left 7-8 years ago- and yet are still on this website. I mean, it is a great website- and a great start to mental & emotional freedom- but I had hoped in 7-8 years I would be fine, and forget about all that past crap, and not "NEED" websites like this to vent. Do you ever really break free mentally? I have been distancing myself for several years, and truthfully, if it weren''t for my family- I'd have left long ago & NEVER looked back. BUT, when your ENTIRE family, not one family member NOT a witness, it is hard to just walk away. There is all the emotional & mental guilt- and anquish over leaving your family. The cult, the organization, the SO CALLED true religion- I am past all that- have a great relationship with God- better than the 20 some years as a witness. Its the guilt from ALL the family, and the lost years. I am very "worldy" wise so to speak, have great support group, great friends- it's not lack of friends, or social retardation, which I think the witnesses WANT you to have- it is the family left behind- mother, grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, I mean my WHOLE ENTIRE family, other than my married into family is witnesses. That is ALOT to leave behind. I have been in therapy, not specifically about the witness thing, but about emotions, feelings, etc- the therapist says to let go- feel good about where I am, etc- but an ENTIRE family wiped out, yet still only 15 minutes away- that is hard to deal with. The rest I have a grip on.

18

Deprogramming

by Perfection Seeker in

i am new on here- already posted one thing about life after leaving- got great responses.

as you can see by my name "perfection seeker" i was a witness.

i am now leaving, and not a perfection seeker :-) does anyone have information on exit counseling or deprogramming?

Perfection Seeker

HI Justin- Just emailed you- but also- feel free to write in here- lots of helpful people on this website! :-)